Flower Code

In order to prepare for the meeting with the flower people, Mama Peg sat down with Jay and I to hash out our basic ideas. Jay's input was pretty simple:

"No Tuberoses. NO. TUBEROSES."

While we were talking, though, we decided to start looking into the "meanings" of flowers. Whenever we couldn't make up our minds about something, we decided based upon the meanings we found. So, if you too speak Flowerese, you will know that our blooms signify:

• "Thee only do I love" (arbutus)
• Innocence, loyal love, purity, "I'll Never Tell" (daisy)
• "Your friendship means so much to me," faith, hope, wisdom, valor, (iris)
• Love, beauty, refinement, many children (orchid)
• Gracious lady (snapdragon)
• Happiness in marriage, and desire to travel (stephanotis)
• ...and much much more!

And if, even after this list, you are not versed in the language of flowers, you will know,

"Hey, there's a bunch of white and purple flowers."

Still Alive, Still Engaged, Still Crazy

In a belated update to my last post, a jeweler in Parkersburg fixed my ring in four days at a very reasonable price. So, no more giant fake bling.

As I anticipated, I didn't get much wedding-related business taken care of during Fall Quarter. School is mostly devoted to preparing for life after the wedding, when I (fingers crossed) get a real job with health insurance. Hence the radio silence.

But I am back in Youngstown and things are picking back up. Sometime next week, Mom, Mama Peg, and I are going to see the flower people. And listen to what they say.

Sad Face

The pearl fell out of my ring last night. This isn't a big shock as it's an old ring and jewelry does that sometimes, but unfortunately for me (and those around me), I have a bit of a complex about rings.

During the one of my depressive episodes, I lost a stone out of a ring Jay had given me. That was sort of a "final straw" for me--I was really freaked out by it for a couple of days.

Also, since I wore my Christmas ring on that hand (starting in 2005), it's been more than a little strange not to have anything on that finger. I was particularly annoyed last night when I realized that I'd left the Christmas ring in Youngstown.

Of course, this is an easy repair, and I'll have the ring back in a few days, but I was having trouble overcoming my sudden hand nudity.

So, I went to WalMart and picked out the lamest, fakest, cheapest plastic solitaire I could find to tide me over:

It doesn't look half bad in a blurry cell-phone photo!

Drum Roll, Please!

And the winner of the Bridesmaids' Dress-Off Challenge is...

David's Bridal 83312!!!

This dress was a unanimous favorite of the bridesmaids. I thought that I would choose something more elaborate, but what was most important to me was that they were comfortable for the marathon of July 23 (Plus, do you know how difficult it is to find a dress that not only flatters five very different bodies, but all five like as well?).

This dress is a great basic that I hope each of the girls will dress up in her own way. It also has pockets and (according to Sara) will photograph better than our other contenders might have.

So while my dress is pretty elaborate, this one is sweet and simple. And according to David's Bridal's Dress Your Wedding tool, they look pretty darn good together.

They even have drapey shit!

More Bridesmaid Dresses

I broke the keyboard on my laptop a while back, hence the lack of posts. During my hiatus, I made another trip to David's Bridal with my best high school friend, Katie.

Katie and I were close for most of middle and high school. I was glad that it takes about half an hour to drive to David's Bridal--we got plenty of time to catch up. Katie's studying to be a vet in Michigan, so we don't get many chances to hang out.

Katie tried on the same dresses as Heidi, Sara, and Emily, then we found another:

I really liked the lines on this one, but it has a bow in the back. That screams, "OMG, Bridesmaid!" just a little too loudly for me.

Nicky and I are going to make one last dress trip before she leaves for France this month. I think we're going to look at this jacquard dress--I keep seeing it out of the corner of my, eye and most of the bridesmaids seem to like it.

Engagement Photo Preview

Yesterday's shoot went really well. Jay and I had a ton of fun with Jimmy. We started off in the auditorium at our high school. Jimmy tried to get some dramatic shots of the two of us on stage. We sang a little and posed a lot.

After we shot in the high school, we went to Boardman Park and goofed around for a while.

About halfway through the shoot, I started to feel really self-conscious. I guess it's that I like being in the spotlight, but only for short periods of time. Jay tried really hard to keep me relaxed--I think it worked for the most part.

I can't wait to see the rest of them!

DIY Apparel

I'm continuing to finish some-scale DIY wedding projects.

I just finished a honeymoon nightie:

I bought the silk-screened slip, then adjusted the fit with black and white polka dotted ribbons.

I also bought my wedding shoes! I plan to make clips with peacock feathers and pearls to cover up the striped ribbon on the toes.

Photography Crush

A few weeks back, Mom, Jay, and I met at Panera with Kristy and Jimmy Taafe of Limelight Images. We hung out for about an hour and a half, while they showed us their portfolio and asked about our plans.

We'd had every intention of shopping around for photographers, but Kristy and Jimmy seemed like a perfect fit (personality and price-wise)! So, as soon as we got home, Mom emailed Kristy to say, "YES! YES! Please shoot my daughter's wedding!" Okay, she may have phrased it a little differently.

What I like best about Kristy and Jimmy is that, while their photos are fabulous, their personalities fit us perfectly. I love that after every event--consultation, engagement session, or wedding-- one of them hops on Facebook to write something nice about the couple:

"It was great to meet up with Katie and her mom Jenny and her fiance Jay Yesterday. You take a theater major and an English teacher, throw in Deep purple and shades of green, a little star wars and some Iris, and what do you have? A kick butt wedding next July. Looking forward to it guys!!!! Thanks!"

Our engagement session is Sunday, so check their Facebook page for previews early next week.

And for a good, not completely off-topic laugh: Off Beat Bride: An open letter to wedding photographers regarding their websites.

"God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage"

Yeah, the retreat went about as well as I had anticipated.

I got a lot out of some of the sessions. It was interesting to talk about marriage as a metaphor for Christianity. Also, there was one session devoted solely to what I wanted to know: how do I make sure that my marriage "counts" in the Catholic church?

The afternoon consisted of three talks all pushing the abstinence/natural family planning perspective. Lucky me, I had heard all of this during my confirmation classes, so I didn't feel too bad about zoning out.

What upset me was that my worst fear about the retreat came true: the leaders made Jay feel judged. Not intentionally, but he still felt uncomfortable for most of the retreat.

We tried to stay positive and open-minded, and we did get some great things out of the day. Still, every time we had a break, I found myself doing Catholic-Methodist damage control.

Our religious differences never seem so complicated when it's just the two of us and God...

"Everyone has a vocation to love. What's yours?"

Tomorrow, Jay and I are going to our Church marriage retreat. To prepare, the retreat coordinators (one of whom was my 7th grade CCD teacher) sent us a DVD produced by the Knights of Columbus called Everyone Has a Vocation to Love. What's Yours?

Yesterday, we settled into the family room to watch the marriage section of the DVD. And while I didn't have high hopes for the movie (I mean, just check out the title screen!), I was surprised by just how uninformative it was.

Maybe it's just that Jay and I were raised in fairly traditional Christian families, but I thought there would be more to it than a bunch of couples saying how great their marriages were because they prayed together, were open to children (read: no birth control), and saved sex for marriage. That was it. No history of marriage in the Church. No expectations of engaged couples. Not even an explanation of the very detailed requirements for a Catholic wedding.

The only thing Jay learned was the term "beatify."

I'm glad that I know one of the retreat coordinators so well. I just hope she's prepared for some intense discussion from me. If the Church is going to make me jump through hoops to get married, they had better make it informative and thought-provoking.

My questions are, "How do we develop a spiritual relationship as a couple?" "Why are openness to children and the use of birth control considered mutually exclusive?" "How does a 'mixed marriage' couple integrate and honor their different traditions?" "How does the Church support couples and families?" "Why is Church culture so obsessed with having children when the Catechism itself says that childless couples have spiritually fulfilling and valuable relationships?"

Bridesmaid Dresses!

Over the weekend, I started looking for bridesmaid dresses. Unfortunately, Katie was moving to Michigan and Nicky was teaching in France, but I had my trusty sister, sister-in-law, and Sara by my side.

Admittedly, I was a little nervous because this was the first time Sara would meet Heidi and the rest of Jay's family. Fortunately, they caught on pretty quickly to the fact that she is, in fact, made of awesome.

The four of us hit the three stores I'd looked at for wedding gowns. I'm not sure how torturous the trying-on was, but I think the fact that I'm not a "okay, now put the other one back on" type of person might have improved things.

We found three dresses that we all really liked.

We also found a bunch that were just plain pretty.

And some...

The PRAXIS and Great Date Four

I've taken a bit of a break from blogging (or doing anyhting productive, for that matter) because I'm just so thrilled that the PRAXIS is over. The test itself went a lot better than my test-anxiety-ridden mind thought it would be. I finished both sections with time to spare; I felt confident about my work.

The best part of taking the PRAXIS, though, was how well Jay took care of me while I freaked out. I had tried to make Friday (our "Pre"-nniversary, as he called it) about him. So, I surprised him with dinner at Mike's Place in Kent.

It has a model X-Wing in front of it.

But Saturday morning, Jay had a surprise for me: he learned how to make coffee. This was a spur of the moment thing because he couldn't sleep, but still, I was touched. Jay doesn't drink coffee, so he never saw the need to learn how to make it. He knew how much I rely on coffee to jump-start my brain (I really am my parents' daughter), and that morning, I really needed it. It meant so much to me that when he shook me awake, he did so with promises of pre-made coffee.

And my first cup of Jay-brewed coffee was deliciously strong.

After the test, I took Jay to the Akron Zoo for Great Date Four.

It was so hot and humid that after about an hour, we retreated into the gift shop to have our discussion about resolving conflict. This chapter has been the most helpful yet--we try very hard to communicate about our disagreements, but this chapter identified two ways we could improve. Already our fights are taking less time to resolve.

All in all, a fabululous "just the two of us" weekend with my hubby-t0-be.

365 Days

It's official. We're getting married in one year.

Jay and I will be gone for the weekend celebrating (and taking the PRAXIS. Well, I will be). When we get back, let the madness begin!

"I've got a list of the women I've slept with..."

(from How I Met Your Mother 03:14, "The Bracket"

So, around New Year's, I started saving spare change in a counting jar. My first goal was cash for the marriage license.

We did it! (It's $50 for just the license)

And see how much room is left! By the time we actually need to buy the license, maybe we can buy...something else...

Step 2: Acquire new savings goal.

Great Dates Two and Three

I've been reluctant to write about my last two "great dates" with Jay because our neuroses have been butting heads again. So, even though we had a great time on each, afterward, one of us would get set off and a huge fight would ensue. Like I've said, Bipolar II dating OCD is hard.

But, bottom line, I've had a great time on each of these dates. Plus, we've had some really great conversations on them.

So, two Saturdays ago, I surprised Jay with a trip to Pittsburgh to "appreciate our differences." We were headed to the Carnegie Art and Natural History Museums because, as I like to joke,

"Political differences? No problem! Religious differences? We'll deal! But art opinions...holy hell..."

I was excited to see two of Van Gogh's works, as well as Monet's Water Lilies.

My camera died while we we're looking at Jay's favorites. I swear, I did not plan this!

We got batteries at the gift shop, then headed over to see something we always agree on:

DINOSAURS!

Jay was in charge of our next date, "Communicating and Connecting." He decided to go a little more laid back and took me to the West Fork Road House. We got to draw on the table with crayons! Also, they have 32 oz draft beers.

And, proof of our differences:

Om nom nom nom

We've started cake tasting.

It's not going well...

Great Date One: Sharing Hopes, Dreams, and Expectations

A few months ago, I admitted to being a "control enthusiast," and that I was using 10 Great Dates Before You Say "I Do" to supplement our Church marriage prep course. What I liked about this book in particular was that it hit all the major marriage prep topics, but put the discussions in the context off something fun--a date. I feel as though these topics are especially relevant to Jay and me because we've never lived together.

Last night, we started with Date One: Sharing Hopes, Dreams, and Expectations. Jay was in charge of this date, so he surprised me with dinner at one of our favorite Youngstown restaurants .

We started our talk by discussing how lame its title was. We agreed that it is apt and describes the purpose of our discussion, but seemed unavoidably lame.

With that matter settled, we talked about our personal visions for the future-- home, career, traditions, and spirituality-- then discussed how to integrate our goals into shared ones.

Then, just for fun, we went bowling. If you need more laughter in your relationship, I would recommend bowling in party clothes. It's too funny for words.

We bowled a terrible game (Jay didn't break 100, and I couldn't make it past 40...) but had a great time.

Now it's my turn to plan Date Two: Appreciating Your Differences. Hmmm...

Taking on the WIC

WIC: "Wedding Industrial Complex," the hodgepodge of companies dedicated to selling you your "perfect day."

As I'm writing at work, I don't really have time to take on the whole of my feelings of the WIC. Suffice it to say (for now), that a lot of companies give me the impression that the process is more about planning a one-day event (which must be perfect, or you/your mom/your wedding planner suck) rather than preparing for a lifetime commitment.

So far, I've tried to be pragmatic. I spend a lot of time thinking about this one-day (really, one-weekend) event, and how I want to make it meaningful and memorable. But, I spend about as much time planning for our future--looking for jobs in areas where Jay can get combat experience, signing up for premarital classes, borrowing books about personal finance from the library. And, of course, day dreaming about coming home to my little house and my new husband (maybe even with dinner waiting...).

So, when we bought my dress at David's Bridal, Chrissy said to me,

"Now the hard part is over. It's kind of sad, though, because there's not really anything else to look forward to."

Really? Really?

Looking beside the fact that I am SUPER PUMPED for cake tastings, what about the fact that I'm getting married? That Jay will be my husband? That I will spend my life with someone who brings out the best in me? I'm looking forward to those things.

Obviously, Chrissy didn't mean to ignore/belittle these things, and I don't hold it against her. I just find that this is my problem with the WIC in general: it places far too much importance on the wedding and overlooks the sole reason for it.

Saying Yes to My Dress

With the Treasured Moments Stand Out fresh in our minds, Mom, Emily, and I drove out to David's Bridal to see our other number one choice, Dress #2.

I was impressed by how well we were treated there, even though we were a walk-in on an extremely busy Saturday.

While we waited for Chrissy to finish with her appointment, they cleared a room for us and let Emily try on bridesmaid dresses.

We really liked this one, but the price was a little steep. Mom and I want to make sure that my bridesmaids can afford to be my bridesmaids.

Once I put on the dress, they let me walk around the store. It was really amazing to see the train behind me.

Then I had "the moment" that I was waiting for. This whole time, I've been waiting for that "OMG I'M A BRIDE!" moment when I put on a dress. I never really had it.

But, wearing this dress, I imagined walking down the aisle with my parents. I imagined standing next to Jay at the altar and dancing with him at the reception. In that dress, I felt happy and beautiful, and very much like myself.

So we said yes to Dress #2 from David's Bridal.

Dress Shopping Round 3: Treasured Moments

Today, Mom, Emily, and I went to Treasured Moments, the bridal salon where got my senior prom dress (also, Mom knows the owner). I love this shop--the staff is extremely friendly and professional. Unfortunately, I wasn't wild about their stock. It seems that, once again, what I want isn't the latest "thing" with designers. We also got the impression that we'd done too much shopping--all the dresses were starting to blend together.

There was one stand out, however:

Final Score: Tie between David's Bridal #2 and the Treasured Moments Stand Out (Alfred Angelo coming in third).

Dress Shopping Round 2: Alfred Angelo

After the great trip to David's Bridal on Monday, I was really excited to go to Alfred Angelo. For whatever reason, though, I didn't like the store or its dresses nearly as much. The dresser was incredibly awkward and the dresses there weren't really my style. Tons of satin and tulle and not nearly enough lace.

Emily worked hard to keep me entertained, though:

One dress I did like, though, reminded me of my Aunt Michelle's wedding dress. Well, the neckline, anyway.

I did find one dress that I did really like:

So, as it stands, Dress 2 from David’s Bridal is still my top choice, with the Alfred Angelo dress coming in at second.

Dress Shopping Round 1: David's Bridal

As my mother is leaving for vacation in a week, she and I are trying to fit in several bridal appointments before she leaves. Tonight, we started with David's Bridal and brought Emily along for the fun.

Honestly, I didn't expect much from DB. Their dresses tend to be a little cookie-cutter for my taste, and I've heard negative feedback about the company as a whole. Still, it seemed like as good a place as any to start. And I was pleasantly surprised!

The only other time I've been to a bridal salon (Prom 2006), I dressed myself with my mom's assistance. I felt incredibly awkward repeatedly dressing and undressing in front of Chrissy, my salesperson. I haven't been dressed by someone else since I was a child, so that part of the experience was very surreal.

Dress #1 was beautiful, but wasn't really great for my body:

Dress #2 was gorgeous. I loved it--didn't want to take it off!

Dress #3 was also a contender:

Dress # ...I forget...was incredibly heavy. So much beading!

Finally, Chrissy asked me to rank my top three choices. I was really excited to put on my first choice, Dress #2!

While the seamstress showed my mom how we could bustle the train, I asked Emily to snap this:

Seeing my engagement ring against the lace made me feel like a real, live bride. And yes, I'm wearing black fingernail polish.

Stayed tuned because we have two more appointments before Mom leaves for Canada. Plus, we're going to get out her dress when my grandparents are in town this weekend!